tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44497349538115284732024-02-20T10:04:51.178+00:00Ode to PsychiatryIrreverent musings on mental health, as viewed through the lens of my lifeAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553652908818533712noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4449734953811528473.post-64305711563615626012016-04-17T22:17:00.002+01:002017-11-18T13:49:12.380+00:00Ahoy, and a rant...<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Found myself writing a marathon rant
on a forum today, stopped myself, and am posting it here instead.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The issue at
hand was the difficulty of obtaining psychodynamic therapy from
the NHS, in particular for those with a diagnosis of BPD. The NHS
tend to stick at offering stage one DBT (Dialectical Behaviour
Therapy) only. Stage one DBT focusses on reducung self-injury and
other maladaptive coping techniques. The idea is to make sure people
have a basic stability and safety before they go through further
therapy (DBT or otherwise). However, they do actually need further
therapy to happen, otherwise the underlying problems remain, and you
have someone who has basically been taught not to <i>show</i> their
distress. It's all part and parcel of the generally dismissive
attitude towards those diagnosed BPD from mental health
professionals...</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
And so began my rant:
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
...</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="background: transparent; margin-bottom: 0cm; page-break-before: auto;">
"It maks me feel so angry, actually - people turn to them in
great need and are treated like they <i>shouldn't make a fuss</i>.
It has parallels with the sexist treatment of women over the years -
calm down dear, be quiet, please others, have no needs yourself, no
opinion and no feelings. <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In my opinion, this is
closely liked to the BPD diagnosis - I mean, you have a diagnosis
that more often than not involves abuse or other traumatic
experiences, and yet people diagnosed BPD are treated like they are
making a fuss about nothing! "Attention-seeking" is a
phrase bandied around. No-one would say to someone yelling for help
after being severely physically injured, "You're just attention
seeking". <br />
<br />
I wonder if it's a collective refusal to face
the damage humans to do each other on a personal level? People don't
like to think that there is abuse out there, or that the way they
themselves act may seriously hurt others, or that the way society is
structured may cause problems. Much easier for everyone to blame the
victims, and decide they are "overreacting".
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In that way I think
psychiatry is an abuser. It gaslights people, twists things around
to blame them, labels them as deviant from the norm, because their
struggles show."</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
...</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553652908818533712noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4449734953811528473.post-84811117548360802602013-06-30T20:27:00.001+01:002017-11-18T14:19:31.640+00:00Madness and Mentalism<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I've no idea, as I
start writing, where this post is is going. I'm seething inside at
something a friend (I'll call him 'Q') said last night. It echoed an
attitude I have encountered in mental health professionals. Q
is thinking about becoming a mental health nurse, which means I
should really try and make him understand... although I did try to
point out the gaping flaws in his argument/attitude at the time. </div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
We
were talking about a mutual friend ('P') in the
context of this friend needing mental health help. </div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;"><br />The
comment I objected to was about P not really being 'mad' as
(apparently) his symptoms don't present in quite the same way as
someone who </span><i>really </i><span style="font-style: normal;">has
them. Not that he has different symptoms, but that his symptoms are
someone not </span><i>genuine. </i><span style="font-style: normal;">At
first I was intrigued by this, and questioned how 'real' symptoms
would differ; assuming Q had experience of this in his care role. However, it
turned out he had no experience, and was simply
judging based on a preconceived and uninformed idea of 'madness'. The implication was that P was entirely responsible for his actions,
and should be left to get on with it and “sort himself out”
without needing any support. </span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
This
takes us to the 'mad vs bad' debate that lies where mental health
and the criminal justice system collide. (For more on this, see the
excellent blog by <a href="http://mentalhealthcop.wordpress.com/">Mental Health Cop</a>.) Is someone 'mad' and deserving
of sympathy and help, or 'bad' and to be punished for their actions? </div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">In
mental health care, the mad/bad construct is also very relevant,
although less to do with punishment (hmm...!) and more about whether
someone is 'mad' enough to receive help/a certain level of help, or
whether they are capable on their own. Phrases like
'attention-seeking' are bandied around at this point. There's also
issues around retaining a level of independence, although this seems
to be used largely by professionals to refuse all support, rather
than in the context of appropriate support and </span><i>treatment.
</i><span style="font-style: normal;">A bit like refusing to throw a
lifebelt to someone who's drowning because they </span><i>should</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
be able to swim, rather than throwing them the lifebelt they are
screaming for and then teaching them to swim for next time. Anyway,
I digress... </span>The mad/bad idea can be more helpfully reframed
as 'mad, bad or sad', and in this context, if P isn't 'mad', he is
most certainly 'sad', so he is surely deserving of support anyway!
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
What really annoyed me
about dismissing P's symptoms and difficulties in this way was that
it relied upon a completely stereotyped and stigmatizing view of what
a 'mad' person is like. Q actually pointed out that P isn't
constantly displaying symptoms and can interact with others in a
perfectly ordinary way (ignoring the fact that P doesn't socialise
when unable to, and his problems manifest in odd episodes of a few
seconds to a few days). A 'mad' person, according to Q's viewpoint,
should be obviously identifiable <i>all the time</i>. As if there is
a massive difference between 'normal' and 'mad' people, rather than
just<i> people,</i> who sometimes hurt a lot or get messed up by
life. Sadly, the
opposite of being dismissed as not needing help is often being placed
in the box marked “severe and enduring”, medicated, and removed
from any meaningful use of the word 'recovery'. </div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Another issue was summed up by something else Q said: that P is, apparently,
“just a mad person”. Yes, that does directly contradict the
above, which is why mental health professionals and would-be
professionals should think through this stuff before passing
judgement! Anyway, the comment was made with the implication being
“he's just a mad person, why are you bothering with him?” As if
he somehow didn't deserve to be helped as I'd help anyone else,
as if the issues he faces don't matter as much, or that problems are
to be expected <i>and ignored </i><span style="font-style: normal;">as
natural consequences of being “a mad person”. </span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">This
attitude is unfortunately apparent within the mental health system.
It's evident in the lack of support or sympathy given to (at least
some) service users when catastrophic events have pushed their mental
health over the edge. Events like becoming homeless, finding out
your partner is cheating on you, or losing a friend to suicide,
barely nodded at before the anguish and pain is dismissed as merely a
symptom of poor mental health. </span><span style="font-style: normal;">It's
all linked to '<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mentalism_%28discrimination%29">mentalism</a>', which is connected to '<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ableism">ableism</a>'. Without
going into too much detail, this sums up what I'm getting at: </span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;"> </span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
… <i>mentalism at one
extreme can lead to a categorical dividing of people into an
empowered group assumed to be normal, healthy, reliable, and capable,
and a powerless group assumed to be sick, disabled, crazy,
unpredictable, and violent. <b>T</b></i><i><b>his divide can justify
inconsiderate treatment of the latter group and expectations of
poorer standards of living for them</b></i><i>, for which they may be
expected to express gratitude. </i>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
… <i><b>The
discrimination can be so fundamental and unquestioned that it can
stop people truly empathizing</b> (although they may think they are) or
genuinely seeing the other point of view with respect. </i><span style="font-style: normal;">(Source:
Wikipedia)</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Sometimes
these mental health gurus (snigger) go one step further and actually
use distressing life situations as diagnostic indicators. Things
like having a 'chaotic' lifestyle or relationship difficulties can be
viewed as resulting from personality disorder, and the resulting
distress can also be passed off as a 'symptom'. (This is dodgy
territory, littered with self-fulfilling prophecies.) The individual
had no support in coping with their – quite legitimate –
distress, or with improving their situation, and is in fact </span><i>blamed
for their own misfortune</i><span style="font-style: normal;">. Even
if the difficulties they face </span><i>do</i><span style="font-style: normal;">
go hand-in-hand with their mental health issues, it doesn't make them
any less difficult or traumatic (<a href="http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/retraumatization">retraumatization</a> is also an issue).
Instead, it merely highlights the urgent need for treatment and
ongoing support. <br /> </span><br />
<span style="font-style: normal;">So, going back to the
“just a mental person” comment, does that mean we shouldn't help P as these problems are 'only' a result of mental illness? Should we leave him to suffer in a downward spiral and then assuage any
twinges of guilt by suddenly changing tack and declaring him 'sane'
and thus responsible for the situation? </span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">I
don't think so! </span><br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">When
you consider the prevalence of trauma in the development of mental
disorders, and that the stigma surrounding them can be more
debilitating than the original symptoms, it's obvious that society
(that's us!) needs to take responsibility. Not only is it grossly
unfair to ignore the plight of individuals who are already suffering,
it's also blindingly counter-productive. If someone is treated as a
'loser', a 'weirdo', or an 'attention-seeker', is isolated, denied
opportunities and forced to live in stressful and/or traumatic
circumstances, their mental health is more likely to get worse than
better. Refusing to help those who are suffering, dehumanizing and
even blaming them, not only perpetuates the cycle of trauma and
disadvantage, it also shows a twisted lack of humanity. </span><br />
<span style="font-style: normal;"> </span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">And
that is the scariest psychological symptom out there. </span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">**Since
I started writing this post I've had a chat with Q and he's 'seen the
light'! Or something. Which means I should probably be slower to
judge (or quicker to write...!)**</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553652908818533712noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4449734953811528473.post-26135621281687110022012-08-03T14:58:00.001+01:002017-11-18T14:24:13.740+00:00Just a Thought<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In the aftermath of the <span style="color: navy;"><span lang="zxx"><u><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/blog/2012/jul/20/denver-batman-premiere-shooting-live">Aurora shootings</a></u></span></span> the media are picking apart the tragedy, exploring various aspects such as gun ownership and violence in films. This is all accompanied by appropriately reverent quotes and mourning for the deceased, and less reverent photos of the carnage and grieving relatives (thank you Daily Mail). </div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;">Without doubt, this is a tragedy. </span>Friends and relatives of those who died have suffered hugely traumatic losses, and the whole community has been shaken. </div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
However, my first thought as the news stories began to break was feeling sorry for the gunman. This was worrying – am I a messed up individual who relates to psychopathic killers more than their victims? After much pondering, I think the answer is no (sigh of relief all round). However, I do think it's something to do with relating to the underdog. More specifically, the misunderstood underdog. Now I am not suggesting that this particular bloke is a traumatised, misunderstood little lamb, and certainly not at the expense of the horror that has happened. However, I'd like to step away from that story specifically and look at the whole thing more generally. </div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
There is something I find incredibly irritating about the reaction to this kind of atrocity. Mainly, it's the public outpouring of grief. Not the genuine, heartfelt distress from media-harassed family and friends, but a sort of jumping-on-the-bandwagon from everyone else. I think the UK may be worse than the US in this respect – the death of Princess Diana being a notable example. However, in the bloke-with-a-gun type massacres, this response seems... oh I don't know... <i>hypocritical. </i><span style="font-style: normal;">On the one hand, you have an individualistic, consumerist society that indicates you are worth as much as your bank balance; a society that alienates and excludes people, especially those that don't fit into the narrow definition of 'normal'. In the US you also have an awful lot of people that frankly, are probably not to be trusted with guns yet can legally own them. On the other hand, when it all goes horribly wrong, people seem not only shocked but </span><i>surprised</i><span style="font-style: normal;">. People can be cold, cruel and heartless with impunity, yet certain acts are seen as horrific and terrible without any consideration of cause, effect, and a sort of sliding scale of evil. I think it's best summed up in the lyrics of Jack Johnson's 'Cookie Jar': </span><br />
<span style="font-style: normal;"> </span> </div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i>It was you, it was me, it was every man<br />
We've all got the blood on our hands<br />
We only receive what we demand<br />
And if we want hell then hell's what we'll have </i> </div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Next, there is t</span>he way the perpetrator is unmasked as being an oddball, an outcast, someone who's always been different; obscure people from their past are dredged up to confirm this. They are <i>the bad guy, </i><span style="font-style: normal;">the freak who blighted the lives of </span><i>good people. </i><span style="font-style: normal;">Now, how many 'oddballs' have you met? How many people who could be described as being different, strange, a loner, or whatever else? And how many of those people have gone on to commit murder? This labelling just seems to be a way to see the perpetrator as different, 'out there' and as far removed from 'normal' people as possible. This was highlighted for me in the wake of the </span><span style="color: navy;"><span lang="zxx"><u><a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/10219655"><span style="font-style: normal;">Cumbria shootings</span></a></u></span></span><span style="font-style: normal;"> two years ago, when one newspaper painted a picture of the killer as a pathetic loner who still lived with his mother, comparing him to his successful brother (one of the victims), who was well-off with a house to match. But what if the brothers' roles were reversed? They'd probably have described the killer as a greedy rich man and his brother as sacrificing his career to care devotedly for their elderly mother. </span> </div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Anything can be distorted to fit the desired narrative, and the desired narrative is utterly black-and-white. The <i>bad</i> person vs the <i>good</i> people. The freak who spoils it for the rest of us. It's as if they are to be feared and ridiculed for being <i>different</i> as much as for the crimes they've committed - which leads to perfectly harmless 'oddballs' being inadvertently scapegoated too. </div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
It seems to be a sort of collective defence-mechanism, to pin all the blame on the individual rather than face the monumental task of unpicking the wider faults in systems and society. Whilst I<span style="font-style: normal;"> would like to think that most people, when pushed, would not opt for mass-murder (though they might if requested to, as </span><span style="color: navy;"><span lang="zxx"><u><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milgram_experiment"><span style="font-style: normal;">Milgram's notorious 1961 experiment</span></a></u></span></span><span style="font-style: normal;"> revealed), the question remains as to whether individuals who commit atrocities might not have done so in different circumstances. I believe that anyone who commits such an act is mentally disturbed – perhaps not under current definitions, but something has clearly gone very wrong somewhere along the line. It all gets quite complex and philosophical at this point – how much our choices are affected by past experiences, the old nature vs nurture debate, and so on. But still, these questions should be asked. There are lesser crimes and other undesirable behavoiurs that aren't criminal, yet still cause a huge amount of pain and grief for people. I've no doubt that people who commit atrocities have suffered in these ways, and while it's not an </span><i>excuse </i><span style="font-style: normal;">it does go some way to explain the </span><i>reasons. </i><span style="font-style: normal;">But no, we keep on setting it in black-and-white terms and all the other stuff is swept under the carpet while we point the finger and it's all about </span><i>freak bad people. </i><span style="font-style: normal;"> </span> </div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
On a personal note, I think this stuff really gets to me because I have often felt like 'the underdog' myself. I know what it's like to be misunderstood, judged and labelled with life-changing consequences. It seems there are certain things that are practically universally 'entitled' to compassion (losing a loved one, for example), whilst other situations that may cause untold distress are disregarded. It also depends on how an indivudual expressess their distress – many may not recognise how to to do this in a constructive way, or do not have access to therapists or counsellors. Again, it comes back to the <i>good people </i>who are allowed (rightly) to be outraged and upset when they are hurt, whilst the hurt they may have inflicted on the <i>bad people </i>is ignored. It's just not fair. </div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
It's time to look beyond the labels and recognise human distress in all it's forms - only then can we start to do something about it. </div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
*** I started this post over a week ago, and in the meantime more information has come to light, including the fact that James Holmes (Aurora killer) was seeing a psychiatrist*** </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553652908818533712noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4449734953811528473.post-78945510781645215342012-06-25T16:30:00.006+01:002017-11-18T14:27:18.262+00:00Must Try Harder<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I can't remember when I
first learned of depression; it was certainly before I ever
considered I might be suffering from it, and before I had internet
access to find answers easily. I imagine the early filtering through
of information came from posters and leaflets read out of boredom
whilst waiting for doctor's appointments. From this, I knew it was
unhelpful to tell the person to “pull yourself together”, and
that someone suffering from depression already felt useless and
guilty so you needed to be nice to them. </div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
These two things seem
pretty obvious to me. If someone is depressed, they clearly can't
“snap out of it”, or they presumably would have done so already.
Depression is, by it's very nature, no fun whatsoever. And anyone
suffering in any way is surely deserving of sympathy and support.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Apparently it's not so
obvious to most people (including mental health professionals). The
same tired and unhelpful old assumptions just go on and on; people
don't even realise they're doing it. For example, people are always
suggesting to me that I do things to help me feel better. This
irritates me beyond belief, because:
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<ol>
<li><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I<i><b> already do
that</b></i><span style="font-style: normal;"><b> </b></span>and
their suggestion subtly sweeps aside my efforts as worthless. I
know when just getting out of bed is a huge achievement; they don't. </div>
</li>
<li><div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
They always
suggest activities that are basically living everyday life –
things like getting a job, socialising more, or taking up
running/swimming/anything else that feels like climbing Everest when
you're low. </div>
</li>
</ol>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
If I could do these
things, I'd be fine! The reason I <i>don't</i> do them is not
because I am unimaginative, lazy or stupid. It's because I feel
exhausted, physically lifeless, struggle to concentrate, find things
more effort than fun, and can't keep a fake smile plastered to my
face at all the required times. I'm not sat around twiddling my
thumbs, bored and depressed, for want of a hobby. Actually, I'm not
bored at all, and certainly don't lack hobbies. I'm just putting in
a lot of effort for what seems like little return, trying to feel
moderately ok whilst taking hours to keep on top of things like
laundry, eating healthily, and not ending up being dragged to A&E
by police. I think I'm actually doing quite well, in my own small
way, and suggestions for further action, however well-intended, just
leave me feeling like I've got a to-do list the length of the Amazon,
which is totally overwhelming and means I actually end up doing even
less. </div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I am constantly
frustrated that otherwise kind and understanding people fail to grasp
this. It's the whole <i>point</i> (for want of a better word) of
depression. What gets to me especially - and I have been pondering
this lately – is that other people seem to do the most silly
things, whilst bumbling along quite happily and dealing with the
eventual fallout with ease. For me, the stakes are too high. I have
to carefully consider every decision I make – and have learnt over
time what is a good idea and what is not. (A friend actually
commented the other day that I am “quite sensible”, whilst
incredulous at various unfortunate, unlucky situations I've been in.)
So, in terms of what people do with their life and the decisions
they make that affect their happiness, I'm actually doing pretty
well, and am in relative terms, it seems, quite wise (and
oh-so-modest!) Yet these same people who make silly mistakes in
their own lives view me as someone who's just not trying very hard,
or possibly is not clever enough to figure out what to do. Even some
mental health workers I've had the bad luck to encounter seem to be
displaying signs of personality disorders that should render them
ineligible to work with vulnerable people, let alone make judgements
of them. </div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I sometimes wonder if
everyone actually has the same amount of 'depression potential' or
whatever it'd be called, and it just manifests differently. Some of
these things are recognised as being linked to mental health –
substance abuse and obesity, for example. But what about things like
having a messy house, eating erratically (though sensible weight),
being racist/sexist, or generally a bit of a tosser? These things
aren't considered 'essential' by society in the same way as, say,
holding down a job or managing to go to the shops without having a
panic attack. So theoretically, if I gave up bothering about certain
things or caring about other people, would I have more resilience in
dealing with other things? Do I use up all my self-discipline and
energy on things considered less important by society?
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I've heard people being
described as so depressed they “can't hold down a job”. Yet for
me, a job is the first thing that goes. Having to be somewhere at a
certain time, able to concentrate, not allowed to break down in
tears, etc etc, is hard! Yet I can keep my flat and myself
relatively clean, and try to eat healthily, and don't turn to
alcohol...
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Do I have my priorities
wrong? Does society?
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
What really bugs me is
that I'm the one asking for help from mental health services, I'm the
'broken' one, whilst others might be making all sorts of mistakes or
living in a selfish way, yet perfectly 'fine'! I want to yell at
psych-types: “Give me some credit!” and point out all the
sensible decisions I've made, not to mention the bad luck I've had
too. I suppose it's to do with the stigma of mental ill-health, and
the blaming attitude towards certain diagnoses from mental health
professionals. If they decide you are not 'mad' (floridly
psychotic), they automatically see you as 'bad' (attention-seeker,
not trying hard enough etc).
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I'm not really sure
what conclusions to draw from all this, except that the mental health
services are as messed up as those they treat, and their job is
basically to make these individuals function in a messed up world.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
On the plus side, I
suddenly feel a lot saner!
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><b>Myrtle</b></i></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553652908818533712noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4449734953811528473.post-21953515192591826612012-06-12T16:52:00.000+01:002017-11-18T14:34:06.828+00:00First Post...<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Have been dithering
over my first blog post for some time. This is partly because
technical hitches setting up the blog and fiddling round with fonts
etc has provided hours of procrastination and taken the edge of the
'new project' enthusiasm. Of course, this isn't a 'project' but an
outlet for thoughts, frustrations and reflections, but I have to
constantly suppress the creative perfectionist tendencies that can
take over. Note to self: repeat ten times - “Blog is an outlet,
not a masterpiece...”</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The second and main
reason for the delay in posting anything is that my rant-o-meter is
swinging wildly all over the place, as the mental health services
differ in their attitude towards me. I set up this blog when it
seemed all hope of treatment/therapy was lost, but as soon as I began
expelling my wrath and disappointment in the form of a post, they
suddenly became very helpful. Rallying the forces after this
unforeseen development, I started writing about my general thoughts
and issues with psychiatry and mental health service provision, only
to find myself becoming increasingly annoyed at and disillusioned
with them and their previous attitude towards me. I say 'previous',
but this attitude seems to be indelibly, eternally etched into my
notes; misunderstanding (wilful?) laid upon misunderstanding. It
causes mental health types to ask me some odd questions as they try
to reconcile the person on file with the person in front of them, as
well as a marked change in tone of voice over the phone whenever they
get my notes up in front of them. I sometimes worry that in future I
might suffer from a rare disease, and instead of investigating it,
I'll just get fobbed off as a mental attention-seeker. </div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
(Incidentally, whenever
I imagine my psychiatric notes, I picture a huge bundle of yellowing,
torn pages held together with chains, insulting words carved into
them with a scalpel, sat forlornly on a trolley between dusty shelves
of rustling paper. They probably have dart-holes in too.)</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Anyway, I digress; the
point is that I am now wondering whether I'm actually better off out
of the system. I've been reading “Users and Abusers of Psychiatry”
by Lucy Johnstone which is very enlightening, although guaranteed to
get the blood pressure up. As well as being very skeptical of the
mental health system, I'm also very aware that they may drop me due
to a life situation (more in a moment) that would probably be
labelled as non-compliance. So I'm in a sort of non-committal,
inbetween world whereby I don't want to hope for therapy I will never
get, but also don't want to burn my bridges in case they may actually
be helpful or I need them in future.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
It really seems like it
has to be one or the other though – I can't slink off, let down and
hopeless; I need to be able to stick two fingers up at them, finding
my own way on, knowing I tried the other way and it wasn't the
answer. I suppose what I mean is that it need to feel like a
positive choice. Obviously if they do help me, there is plenty of
room for healthy skepticism, but I would need to embrace therapy to
get the most use from it.
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I guess I'm secretly
hoping I'll just somehow get better during the next year without
needing therapy, that somehow my reflections and insights will
eventually all join up and complete the parts that make me struggle
to function. However, I'm not sure how likely this is, and I'm also
going to be putting myself in a situation somewhat removed from everyday life so
will likely <i>appear </i><span style="font-style: normal;">to be fine
when that may not be the case. This is because I am going travelling
(yey!) at some point over the winter. It seems like a very good idea for my mental
health to be off with the backpack again - all that soul-searching
under the stars and whatnot. Only now, of course, the mental health
services are finally responding to my pleas for help (approx. 20
months after the initial GP appointment) and it will look like I am: </span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">a)
Completely irresponsible, immature, and unwilling to commit to a
treatment plan, or anything for that matter (they would probably use
the phrase 'not engaging with services') </span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">b)
Trying to 'run away' from my problems (as if you can run away from
problems in your mind!)</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">or</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">c)
Obviously not really struggling, an attention-seeking waste of time
as they previously thought. </span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">With
regards to the last one, I can see it seems odd that I can trot off
to foreign lands when basic things here day-to-day seem so hard, and
I have spent many hours musing on why this might be. As it is, even
planning the trip is making me happier although only marginally
improving what I manage to do each day - probably because of the
crippling tiredness I feel. Still, when I am away I can still sleep
when I want, socialise when I want, etc, etc – but with the added
bonus of sunshine, exciting/entertaining experiences, and new and
interesting people. I don't know really, but if I could crack the
puzzle and apply it to my everyday life, I'd be sorted. I think
it'll require further thought and a follow-up post...</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Anyway,
I am hoping the mental health services will understand my reasons for
going away for a bit, and I will be able to get therapy when I return.
Even better, that I magically get better (or at least slowly get
better via insights as mentioned) while I am away and hereafter lead
a worthwhile, productive and fulfilling life. </span>
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">Or
something like that...</span></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<i><b>Myrtle</b></i></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553652908818533712noreply@blogger.com0